it's time

sometimes you just have to go, somethings just need to be left behind to move forward.

the art of the broom

There was something about sweeping the rain water that pooled in the alley between our house and the Mahrs' that thrilled me.  I loved to go back all the way to the gates, sweep the water to where the alley began, I would push it with a enough force to get it from the opening into the alley, but not so much that it could not pool.  That was my objective, to get as much rain water as I could to collect into a perfect pool, then ever so slowly I would sweep across pushing like a squeegee.  I needed it to be water free behind me.  Then when I got passed the windows that jutted out, I would push that broom with all I was worth.  The swoosh of the water spilling down the step onto the sidewalk like a dam broke thrilled me.  The very first wave was like all that was good.  I can reach back to remember that feeling.  Sure I could get one or two more waves to cascade, but nothing felt as good as the first. 


I miss 

at the end of every hard day

You can't stop time, it just keeps rolling.  Sometimes you think that you are wise and know all there is, you don't.  There is no rhyme or reason, no matter how much you think it will be a certain expected way, it is going to change.  I thought if I held it all tight, I was safe.  I wasn't.  Then I let it fall away thinking I would be safe this way, again I wasn't. 

Now it will be how it will be.....I am okay with that


if you keep picking at a scab, it will never heal, you need scar tissue to cover


you can find some reason to believe

Fine Art of Weeding

I can go to a store, okay my favorite three HomeGoods, Marshalls, and TJ Maxx, and shop for hours.  When I see something that intrigues me or I need or even think my family and I  need, I put it into my cart.  While perusing the aisles, not only do I look at everything, I think and look at the things in the cart, assess/reassess/remove these items.  Then finally as I approach the registers, I do a final assessment of my items that are in the cart.  This is called the Weeding.  It is a herculean task. I can shop and walk out with nothing.  While it may seem superficial and shallow to most, a total waste of time and energy to others, to me it is an art.  A needful art.  

Weeding serves as a therapy for me.  It relaxes and calms me, much like meditation.  No matter what chaos is going on in my world, perusing and then weeding takes me out of my own head.  It helps me assess my life and life around me.  Weeding is a way of showing what is important.  It has shown me who is and who is not a person I want in my life.  It helps me to know what is important and significant in my life and helps me release what it is that is detrimental to me and mine.    I use Weeding in all aspects of my life. 

It is truly an Art...

photos we keep

When I was fourteen I was gifted a Keystone 110 camera by my Mom & Dad for my birthday, that is when this love affair with a camera and photos took hold.  I love to look at them and take them, some of my faves has always been pictures of my family, truth be told, I even liked to see myself in photos.  There was man named John Ray that walked around Bay Ridge taking pictures of all the kids.  When you saw him you asked to see his pictures and he would let you take the pictures of yourself, I have a few of myself.

Way back in '77-'78, I don't recall how Johnny, my brother, got his mitts on a 35mm camera.  It was in seriously bad shape, the lens was dented, the body was all scratched, and it worked beautifully.  I have followed Mor in my photo taking prowess...I suck, I mean I really suck.  Mor had a Leica, that she did not know how to use, she took some really bad blurry pictures.  My Grandfather bought her a Polaroid.  I remember she had two, probably because she told him that it was the camera's fault.  Nothing helped, Mor chopped off our heads, bodies, or they were too blurry to see anything.  Far, my Grandfather,  used the Leica.  They took slides.  How I loved to look at them.  My Mom has them.

I have been through many, many cameras from Polaroids, 110, 35mm Manual, Semi-Auto, Fully Auto,  to finally Fully-Auto Digital.  I am the proud owner of a Sony DSLR, that I adore.  Can't forget about the brief stint with a panoramic camera.  I love digital, I can take a thousand bad pictures and just delete.  Saving the three good ones.  Ain't technology grand.  The downside of the digital photos are twofold for me:  I don't print or have the pictures printed for me and maybe it is just me, but I don't think the digital pictures are as "deep" as 35mm film.

I have photographed every moment and non-moment for the last 40 odd years.  While sometimes my subjects have railed against me taking so many pictures, I know that they enjoy looking back on them. 

Is it self-destructive to hide your weaknesses, to always be afraid that someone would use them to inflict damage, hurt, or pain.  Does hiding your flaws make you less vulnerable.   Could it be that if you let others see what you love and treasure the most that they too would feel that you are truly blessed instead of harboring a deep seated hate and look to take all that you hold near and dear.  But then again you can't make someone do or feel something they in their hearts don't, meaning that just because they are your world but you are not theirs, the feelings are never reciprocated.....Do you let your freak flag fly, throw caution to the wind?

 


Not too long ago,, I heard it said and it has stayed with me that "you take pictures of what you are afraid to lose the most".  That judgement has done a fair amount of damage to me.  I have been slacking off in my picture taking, there are probably a few reasons or maybe only one.

Sunshine felt like rain

It is Spring...Spring

It is still a little too early to start planting, but not so early to do some serious cleaning.  I am giving a new method of chore doing a try.  I can't let my Cleaning ADD rule me anymore, so with the help of my timer I'm going to give it a whirl.

My flowers are blooming, so today I am going to take some pictures, work on a side-job that I decided to take on, and continue spring cleaning.

time rolls by like hurricanes

as I thought I was

Once you learn to drive standard shift and do so proficiently it is something you never forget.  You may not drive it for 50 years but once learned never forgotten.  You always know that you let the clutch out slow in first while accelerating.  Sure you will stall a couple of times but in 5 minutes it becomes old hat, lessons learned and dexterity returns. We look for the spot where it catches, where the gears mesh, where the drive wheel moves you forward.  The proverbial "sweet spot" is what you are looking for or the memory of it.  Where all things align.