Wednesday, April 6, 2016

photos we keep

When I was fourteen I was gifted a Keystone 110 camera by my Mom & Dad for my birthday, that is when this love affair with a camera and photos took hold.  I love to look at them and take them, some of my faves has always been pictures of my family, truth be told, I even liked to see myself in photos.  There was man named John Ray that walked around Bay Ridge taking pictures of all the kids.  When you saw him you asked to see his pictures and he would let you take the pictures of yourself, I have a few of myself.

Way back in '77-'78, I don't recall how Johnny, my brother, got his mitts on a 35mm camera.  It was in seriously bad shape, the lens was dented, the body was all scratched, and it worked beautifully.  I have followed Mor in my photo taking prowess...I suck, I mean I really suck.  Mor had a Leica, that she did not know how to use, she took some really bad blurry pictures.  My Grandfather bought her a Polaroid.  I remember she had two, probably because she told him that it was the camera's fault.  Nothing helped, Mor chopped off our heads, bodies, or they were too blurry to see anything.  Far, my Grandfather,  used the Leica.  They took slides.  How I loved to look at them.  My Mom has them.

I have been through many, many cameras from Polaroids, 110, 35mm Manual, Semi-Auto, Fully Auto,  to finally Fully-Auto Digital.  I am the proud owner of a Sony DSLR, that I adore.  Can't forget about the brief stint with a panoramic camera.  I love digital, I can take a thousand bad pictures and just delete.  Saving the three good ones.  Ain't technology grand.  The downside of the digital photos are twofold for me:  I don't print or have the pictures printed for me and maybe it is just me, but I don't think the digital pictures are as "deep" as 35mm film.

I have photographed every moment and non-moment for the last 40 odd years.  While sometimes my subjects have railed against me taking so many pictures, I know that they enjoy looking back on them. 

Is it self-destructive to hide your weaknesses, to always be afraid that someone would use them to inflict damage, hurt, or pain.  Does hiding your flaws make you less vulnerable.   Could it be that if you let others see what you love and treasure the most that they too would feel that you are truly blessed instead of harboring a deep seated hate and look to take all that you hold near and dear.  But then again you can't make someone do or feel something they in their hearts don't, meaning that just because they are your world but you are not theirs, the feelings are never reciprocated.....Do you let your freak flag fly, throw caution to the wind?

Not too long ago,, I heard it said and it has stayed with me that "you take pictures of what you are afraid to lose the most".  That judgement has done a fair amount of damage to me.  I have been slacking off in my picture taking, there are probably a few reasons or maybe only one.