Wednesday, October 28, 2015

my tablescape obsession...

I just love to have a holiday/seasonal themed tablescape in the diningroom, it made my kids nuts.  They had to move it for every meal and then put it back after we were done.  We have never had a kitchen table because I wanted a diningroom table that was actually and always used.  Instead of a kitchen table in the we had a 4' x 3' island right smack in the middle of the room.  I will say that the kids used the kitchen stools to have breakfast on the island in the morning before school, other than that we ate every single meal at the dining table. 

This Fall table is making me very happy.  I found battery operated pumpkin lights, I am loving them....(so much so I bought two sets)

My Mom does not like the tablerunner, she said it was drab and plain.  I like it. I am looking for little jewel pumpkins to scatter about on the table. 

As for me I am living large with all our drawers and trying to figure out the flow....still working on the flow..

All in all, things are pretty awesome in my little world.

Admission is cathartic and is said to be good for the soul, I have to agree with it.  When we purge ourselves of the hurt, guilt, and fear.  We take ownership of ourselves and then try to become the best possible version of ourselves.  This is path that I am on, it is not always easy, not always smooth sailing, but I am working on it.  No more will I beat myself up.  I cannot control anyone else, only myself and how I react.  I am not responsible for another's' actions, only my own. 

Friday, October 23, 2015

Cause for concern?

I need to know what constitutes a well equipped kitchen and at what point is it considered overkill or even hoarding? 

My ladder has come out, the big green tote has been pulled up from downstairs, and I have to come to the realization that I have more than a person has any right to.  Yes, I know that I have said this before, but it is so true.  I got too much stuff, my stuff has stuff.  Just how many 9"springform pans does a person need?  How many 9" cake pans is enough?   How many glass baking dishes is appropriate?  How many different sizes are necessary?  What about splatter screens?   I can't even get into roasting pans.....  Fry pans are also a problem.  Pots and pans in stainless, tri-ply stainless, five layers of metal that include but not limited to stainless, copper and aluminum, stainless with teflon, cast iron, and of course,  enameled cast iron.   Oh what sweet agony you have brought, yeah some really awesome food, but a conundrum just the same.

I am going to loose it.  It is no wonder, I brought this all on myself.  I really need to get to the bottom of this.  If I psycho analyze myself I would say that I bought all these things because I thought they would make me feel better,  surrounding myself with things I like, and fill a void that I have in my life or it could be lack of self esteem.  Either way, I have a problem.  I think it is a pretty big one.  On the upside, by acknowledging I have a problem is the first step on the way to getting healthier.  I feel much better now.  I am still working on my problem of "saving for good", that has not been easy.

My Mom was here last week, I gave her my 7.5 Quart Oval Le Creuset, see that shows I am weeding out things.  It doesn't matter that for some reason I did not like to use it.  I don't particularly care for pots/pans/baking/roasting dishes that are oval shape.  I am not going to work on that flaw.  I put together a whole bunch of utensils that I have extras of and have been offering them all to everyone, then I will bring the rest to Goodwill.   We are not including any olive wood in that give away. 

I a hoping that this weekend the new owners of the butcher block to come to pick it up. 

The kitchen is almost, almost, almost ready.  It has been a long and arduous journey.  Woohoo......

no worries Mike, I think I got this

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

and you handed me a towel...

Thank you....

Thank you for trying so hard.....

Thank you.

Thank you. 

I want to thank you for giving me the best days of my life....

Sunday, October 18, 2015

expecting nothing in return

So if I admit to being a little late to come to the party, that is the IHeartRadio party that is, then yes I am late, a wee bit more than just a little late.  If you know me, you know that music is the key to my being.  I listen to SAT radio sometimes, Andrew has an account, but if he is listening, I can't.  Well one day he put IHeartRadio on the ITouch that is connected to the sound system that plays through out our house.  He put Bruce Springsteen in the search and there it went.  After listening to that for a month straight, I put in my other fave, Mark Knopfler.  Well let me say, I don't think I can ever go back to regular radio.  That is not hard because the FM radio here sucks......plain and simple.

I am loving being able to make my own radio stations.  I already have a few:  Bruce Springsteen, Mark Knopfler, Stevie Nicks, and of course, Led Zeppelin.  Mark Knopfler has brought me to Van Morrison(I love, love, love Van) to John Haitt, James McMurtry And The Heartless Bastards.  Bonnie Raitt somehow comes in with Mark Knopfler maybe because of EmmyLou Harris.  I love Mark and EmmyLou together.  Stevie Nicks(she IS my girl from forever) goes to John Mellencamp(always loved him) to Cyndie Lauper(I like her too).  Yeah, this is working for me.

Just for you to have a little faith in me

Monday, October 12, 2015

finding the flow

As we are trying to figure how it is supposed be, the best thing that we can do is to put all the treasures into the newly made drawers.  For obvious reasons I named this picture "Happiness"...
One would think that when you to have twice as much cupboard, cabinet, and drawer space than you had before, it would be easy to find perfect placement.  It would also seem ludicrous that drawers would make a person over the moon, but it is so.  It has taken quite a while to get here and I am thrilled to be here.  Maybe I am overthinking how things should go back, I should have a "wait and see" attitude.  Put everything away how we think it should be and give it a whirl.  If we feel that things should be moved around, we can do it as we go along.  I think that the best part of figuring out how things will come to rights is that I am not in this by myself.  No worries, no stress.

Sometimes I get a fleeting thought, my stomach drops to the floor, and I have to pull myself forward.  Out of the darkness that is so easy to get lost in.  There can never be regression, I don't live there anymore.  Forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself, not for anyone else, but for you.  I am going to walk towards the sun.  The light is welcoming.  All progress is welcoming.   

I know that things will be moved a thousand and half times.....I think I have half of a plan

I have two or three more boxes of kitchen stuff that needs to be unpacked, ok maybe six.  They were just too heavy for me to carry upstairs.   Oh well, tomorrow is another day.  I went back on my meds.  I can't rightly say how long it has been since I have taken all of the "immunosuppressive agents".  In truth yes they do make me feel better, but they also make me nauseous (I hate that part), tired, fatigued, worrying about being near someone that is ill, getting sneezed on, coughed on, and a whole host of other crap.  On the upside, my hands, fingers, feet, knees, toes, and ankles don't hurt as much.  They also stop further damage, so I guess it is worth it.

I was on my way to watch our new "power watch" program...."Ray Donovan".  We are on Season 2.  We started on Friday.  It is pretty good.  I am having the hardest time though watching.  My mind wonders back to the kitchen, I want to finish putting it to rights.   I just really want to go back into the kitchen and fiddle.  I just don't have the energy right now. 

Hello Ray.....