Monday, October 12, 2015

finding the flow

As we are trying to figure how it is supposed be, the best thing that we can do is to put all the treasures into the newly made drawers.  For obvious reasons I named this picture "Happiness"...
One would think that when you to have twice as much cupboard, cabinet, and drawer space than you had before, it would be easy to find perfect placement.  It would also seem ludicrous that drawers would make a person over the moon, but it is so.  It has taken quite a while to get here and I am thrilled to be here.  Maybe I am overthinking how things should go back, I should have a "wait and see" attitude.  Put everything away how we think it should be and give it a whirl.  If we feel that things should be moved around, we can do it as we go along.  I think that the best part of figuring out how things will come to rights is that I am not in this by myself.  No worries, no stress.

Sometimes I get a fleeting thought, my stomach drops to the floor, and I have to pull myself forward.  Out of the darkness that is so easy to get lost in.  There can never be regression, I don't live there anymore.  Forgiving is the best thing you can do for yourself, not for anyone else, but for you.  I am going to walk towards the sun.  The light is welcoming.  All progress is welcoming.   

I know that things will be moved a thousand and half times.....I think I have half of a plan

I have two or three more boxes of kitchen stuff that needs to be unpacked, ok maybe six.  They were just too heavy for me to carry upstairs.   Oh well, tomorrow is another day.  I went back on my meds.  I can't rightly say how long it has been since I have taken all of the "immunosuppressive agents".  In truth yes they do make me feel better, but they also make me nauseous (I hate that part), tired, fatigued, worrying about being near someone that is ill, getting sneezed on, coughed on, and a whole host of other crap.  On the upside, my hands, fingers, feet, knees, toes, and ankles don't hurt as much.  They also stop further damage, so I guess it is worth it.

I was on my way to watch our new "power watch" program...."Ray Donovan".  We are on Season 2.  We started on Friday.  It is pretty good.  I am having the hardest time though watching.  My mind wonders back to the kitchen, I want to finish putting it to rights.   I just really want to go back into the kitchen and fiddle.  I just don't have the energy right now. 

Hello Ray.....